Nervous & Anxious!

Okay, so tomorrow were going out to a restaurant because were celebrating my little brother's graduation from 5th year....he's going to middle school now...crazy how time goes by so fast.... =( i remember him as a little one and now he's going to jr high school...weird....dont really like change....well, not like this....but at least i dont have to keep babysitting lol.... so about the "nervous and anxious" bit....were going out to eat with all the family and im fucking freakin out....feels like there's a bolder on my chest and i can't breathe! ugh...i so dont want it to be awkward...."is that all your eating?" starring at me...it's like fuck!!!!!!!! maybe im over analyzing ...i can't keep caring what people think of me..it's gonna drive me nuts! my attitude needs to be "Look! this is me, dont like it beat it!" because im sucha people pleaser...i want everyone to get along and just be civil ...the worst bit is that my mum and sister know that im bulimic....there ignorant about disorders..they just think i can stop whenever i want.....not even the half of it...and sense they know they'll be looking and judging.....but i told my mum today i wasnt feeling good today so im just gonna use that tomorrow like my symptoms cam back or something...and then my fucking sister..godd she gets on my neves....she makes me feel like "oh here comes the party pooper" it's like fuck yeah here comes the party pooper...you have no idea what i go threw and to judge so quickly pisses me the hell off...i stopped calling her too...she noticed..........because why would i want to talk to someone that makes me feel like shit? so i just pulled away like i always do....less arguing ...so anyway..i'll tell you guys how it went...oh! and get this!! 3 days apart from that were going out again for my mum's college graduation....she finally got her Masters Degree....=) so proud of her...<3