so today im kicking my fasting back into motion....had to get off of it last week cause i was going back and forth visiting fam...i would probably be hugeeeeeeeeee if i lived with them...there's always food around..that bother's me....but anyway i decided to share some of my journal with you guys..wrote it when i was having a horrible day.
"I'm so emotionally broken. This "thing" has stripped me dry, of everything. I need, need, need somebody or something. Send me anything and i will be grateful. I want someone to love me in an indescribable way. Love me for my faults and for me. The real me. I need something constant. I think once i find that, i'll know. I'll know because i'll be smiling on the inside this time, not just on the outside. It'll be real. I need that now. I hate that suicide is an option. I hate me. I hate this life. The one out of ten semi-happy moments isn't enough to keep me thinking life is worth it. Behind these eyes are nothing. Nothing but tears and sorrow. I feel numb and dead. I feel bound and broken. I feel empty and selfish. I've learned i will eventually let everyone down i come in contact with so why bother.I hate being alone but i enjoy it too.I find beauty in it. I just feel like there's nothing in me. There's nothing there. Everything seems inevitable. Nothing ever gets better. My problems my tears. My problems my tears."
whoa that was emo...lmao...but seriously that day wasn't good for me...today is looking better i think...so when i dont update im still writing sometimes just not on here....