Sunday, July 4, 2010

Update.

*Sigh* not a good day...sorry wish i could say it was.... don't really celebrate the fourth of july...kinda makes me feel a bit bitter that alot of people are partying and im doing a whole bunch of nothing as usual....I was considering sneaking out and going to my nana's house 45 minutes away.... but i dont really want to go there...i want to go somewhere i dont know anyone....Just runaway to a different place. feeling sad and lost and alone... i really hate these feelings... i keep thinking that all this will finally come to an end and i keep thinking that "someone" is gonna come into my life and change that....sounds naive but i really want to meet someone that is just an amazing friend/boyfriend maybe? >.< ...a good person... havent come across that yet. I've really needed that in the past year...Maybe that didnt come along to make me stronger....i probably would have leaned on that person way to much and scared them away....or I would have been poison to that person with all my problems... i dunno...I really really hope things get better...i told my mum today i want to go back to therapy..i can't continue like this...it's a miserable life...im 18, i should be out enjoying life....instead im this shut-in with her eating disorder as a friend...I dont want this...this unhappiness....but that's the thing...i want to change but i dont want to loose my ed...how's that suppose to fucking work!? Ugh!


Later.... x

1 comment:

  1. this is one of your best. so open & revealing; so much raw emotions. I feel the pain and actually what u r feeling is good; it is prompting you into positive action. u r absolutely right; u deserve happiness. I totally get this need for someone to walk into ur life...but ur ed is just leaving no room in your life. I can't tell you how impressed I am with you right now; what you described is just so familiar for me and it can only lead to better things for you.this ed-caused loneliness is the poison you need to slowly unload. you are so close, my angel. you can take the next step. seeing a therapist is excellent. I feel every word; sending you a very supportive hug. <3 <3 <3

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